Wednesday, March 11, 2009

13 Legendary Hard Rock/Metal Albums!

Someone will argue with me about this.

It's far too touchy of a subject when one tackles subjects like "best of" or "greatest" but, with a little help from my good friend Jim Lord (Go Blue!), I decided to try anyway, while avoiding those terms. I'll stick to saying "Legendary" because that's what they are. Some people will bitch that I left out certain standard metal bands like Megadeth and Motorhead, but they never really made an album that I loved start to finish. And this isn't just about conforming to what "metalheads" consider to fit in. If it's heavy and I love it, it makes the list. Don't judge me, monkey.

Thanks to Gene Westmoreland and Matt "Eno" Kudela for inspiring this idea today. Gene's class was pretty boring (no offense) after 10 weeks in turf school, and Matt was texting me wondering how I don't think Freedom is the best track on Rage's first album.

For the record, Take the Power Back is by far the standout song.

Anyway, without any further delay, we'll march right along into the opinions and conjecture. These 13 albums are presented in no particular order and will feature a handful of "honorable mentions" near the end.


-Johnny


Metallica - Master of Puppets, March 3, 1986
Picking out the best of the early Metallica albums is no easy feat. One can't deny the raw power of "Kill 'em All" or "Ride the Lightning" but this was the crowning achievement of the band. Sadly this was their last LP featuring Cliff Burton on bass and the change in their style after his untimely death can't be denied. The album after this one, "And Justice For All" was a phenomenal effort but nothing can compare to the sheer genius of songs like Battery, Damage Inc. and The Thing That Should Not Be.

Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power, February 25, 1992
The first time I ever heard Fucking Hostile I may very well have shit my pants. At the time I remember talking about how cool it was and having Dave Legget, a school employee, say something along the lines of, "Yeah, he's screaming so loud it's clipping out the mic. Soooo 'fucking' cool." and laughing as he walked away. Whatever didn't work for Leg sure worked for me. Mouth for War and Walk can stand alone as some of the best Metal/Thrash songs ever written. And lest we forget, Hollow is as legendary a ballad as any heavy band has ever created.

Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast, March 29, 1982

Run to the Hills, Children of the Damned, The Number of the Beast... need I say more? Seriously. I could spend a paragraph explaining why this is great, but do I need to? Not that any of the so-far listed albums need explanation, but this one in particular is cemented as a classic. Ripping guitar, flailing hair and drum sticks nearly ripping holes in the skins. Not to mention some of the most recognizable guitar hooks in all of history.

System of a Down - Toxicity, September 4, 2001
This album forever changed the way I feel about hardcore/metal/thrash and was truly revolutionary. (Please see the "Honorable Mention" category for another S.O.A.D. gem.) I will never forget the first time I saw the video for Chop Suey! on MTV at two o'clock in the morning. Oddly enough, it was shortly after seeing that video that I was introduced to Jack Johnson, but that's for another blog. I immediately went out to buy this CD and I don't think it was bumped from the player in my car for close to a year. Toxicity, Aerials and ATWA are to this day some of my favorite driving tunes and remain some of the finest heavy music ever made.

Soundgarden - Badmotorfinger, October 8, 1991
While listed in many (most) circles as "grunge" or "alternative" there isn't a soul on earth who can deny the raw heaviness and grit of Slaves & Bulldozers or Jesus Christ Pose. This album, more than "Nevermind" ever did, changed the way I felt about music; and I think that goes for a lot of people. Chris Cornell was then and is now one of my favorite singers. This is a must-have record in any collection, and if you need evidence of that look no further than the breakdown in Outshined.

Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine, June 11, 1992
Go ahead, call it Rap Metal. I really don't care... as long as it represents some sort of heavy, angst filled definition, it fits. The power of this album is undeniable and I feel like anything I write here can't compete with the words and music. Take the Power Back, Bombtrack and (yes, Matt) even Freedom are uncannily good and that's all I have to say about it. If you don't own this album, borrow fifteen bucks and get to the store. Do they even sell CD's anymore?

Ministry - Psalm 69, July 14, 1992
Oh, what's that? Ministry isn't metal? Well, as Al Jorgenson once said about the term Industrial - "What does that even mean? It's not like Trent comes over and we do some spot welding." This is another album that expanded my musical appreciation and opened my mind to different things. The originality in songs like Jesus Built My Hotrod and Scarecrow is barely even understandable. The definition of this kind of music as house/techno/electronica was shattered. Holyfuckingunbelievable. Timeless stuff.

Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine, November 9, 1989
Trent Reznor probably regrets releasing this album as his first full-length. Nothing he's done since comes close to the awesomeness. Ringfinger, Sin and Terrible Lie stand out as some of the greatest Industrial songs ever produced and Something I Can Never Have is so powerful it still makes me consider suicide. Sure, "The Fragile" was uncommon in its goodness, but it wasn't anything like PHM. The first time I ever heard this record was in Jeff Tipton's basement in 7th or 8th grade. I'm pretty sure it was the same weekend he introduced me to D&D and They Might Be Giants. One out of three ain't bad... for an MLB player.

Korn - Korn, October 11, 1994
Oddly enough, I remember the first time I heard a song from this album as well. I had heard Rob Herman talking about them, but the first time I heard Shoots & Ladders was on my way to see Braveheart at the Lockport Mall with Kristen Schulz in the spring of 1995. I remember wanting to turn it up and make her drive faster. A few months later they were set to open for Megadeth in Buffalo and I had tickets. Unfortunately for me, I broke my arm the day before the show and didn't get to go. I missed a Megadeth snow too. Anyway, I have to make it known that Blind, Ball Tongue and Divine still blow me away.

Slipknot - Slipknot, June 29, 1999
The whole thing I think is sick. ThewholethingIthinkissick. The whole thingIthink is siiick. I'm not going to go into a long explanation. Nothing they've done has even come close. Wait and Bleed blew up my CD player for about a month. This album is phenomenal from start to finish. That's that.

Guns 'n Roses - Appetite for Destruction, January 1, 1987
If you don't own this album, or at least have a few of the tracks downloaded, there is probably something missing in your brain or DNA makeup. If you surveyed ten thousand people, nine thousand nine hundred and seventy eight would probably know the opening of Paradise City without thinking. In middle school this was just about all I listened to. Rocket Queen and Mr Brownstone and holy shit, My Michelle... I can't even express how much I love those songs today. I still remember counting the days until Use Your Illusion I & II came out. (Take note that they are NOT mentioned here.)

Tool - Undertow, April 6, 1993
I didn't fully appreciate the genius of Tool until well into 1995, but I was just a damn kid so you can't blame me. As with many of the bands mentioned before this, nothing they've done since has even come close. Julie Pasquale might disagree with that statement, but she's a bleeding heart liberal AND a lawyer, so we know she's wrong anyway. ;-) Prison Sex, Sober and the title track Undertow represent how I felt in the spring of 1995 and well into the summer. Confused, angry and full of an undefinable energy. This album is premier and is only at the bottom of this list because they're not in order.

Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath, Friday, February 13, 1970 (Creepy.)
I hope, for your sake, that I don't need to explain why this is here. They basically created metal, thrash, hardcore, nu metal, progressive metal, rap metal, death metal and (God forbid) orc-core in one sweeping moment. All of the good, and bad, that we know in heavy music today can dedicate their successes, however minor, to Black Sabbath.



Honorable Mentions
By no means substandard, just not worth being Legendary.

Megadeth - Killing is My Business... and Business is Good!
This album was amazing. Still is. It just doesn't fit together as one whole piece. Megadeth always had the ability to be one step below perfect, even if "Peace Sells..." and their other early efforts were oh-so-close.

System of a Down - System of a Down
Damn close to being a monster album. Just a little too undefined as far as their style goes. It had most of the right parts, it just came up a touch short of greatess. Although P.L.U.C.K. would make my list of the best Metal songs of all time.

Pantera - Cowboys From Hell
Just like System of a Down, this band was still in the early stages of discovering who they were. I really like most of CFH, but it is just a bit too corny for greatness.

Nirvane - Nevermind
It would have made the list, but it isn't really metal or hard rock, despite having some serious heaviness and distortion. It just doesn't do the genre or the band well to link them together. That being said, listen to Territorial Pissings and tell me there isn't some heavy influences!



Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Outrage & Energy!


So, here we go.

I fully intended to start updating this blog on a regular basis ages ago, but since I'm sucking down a Joose 9.0% right now I figured I'd address some issues with people who whine too much.

From a wonderful article on Time.com, with the fitting title: Alcoholic Energy Drinks: A Risky Mix

"Maryland Attorney General Douglas Gansler, a Democrat who is helping lead a national campaign against the beverages, calls them 'disgusting.' He elaborated: 'The caffeine is a stimulant that triggers the false impression that kids can drink more and still function normally. The kids won't recognize they are actually drunk...And then all of a sudden, over a short period of time, it goes Bam, and they're gone.'"

Okay, let's be honest with each other here. Are kids ever going to stop drinking? Nope! And what is this "Bam, they're gone" nonsense? I'm drinking a Joose right now and I know I'm getting a buzz. As dumb as I was at 17, I still knew a buzz when I felt it.

And for the record: As far as I'm concerned, people drinking themselves to death is just another way to thin the herd and strengthen the gene pool.

For some reason people think that if all of the so-called "kid friendly" flavored drinks are gone, kids won't drink. Ridiculous. When I was 16 I didn't care if vodka tasted like rubbing alcohol and beer tasted like fermented urine.

It got me drunk, lowered my inhibitions and made me forget, at least for a little while, that I was an awkward teenager confused about life, girls and their relationship with my penis. I'm pretty sure I'm still confused about how women feel about my penis and how my penis feels about them.

Guinness and Jameson Irish Whiskey help. Unfortunately for the children, those flavors are a bit more intense on the "infavorable" scale and require years of taste bud evolution to fully appreciate.

So, here's my message: Kids, don't drink. Don't drink and drive. Definitely don't experiment with drugs. And for God's sake, please, oh please, put a f*cking condom on.

What's that, teenage boy? You're not listening to me? You're constantly swinging from insanely horny & confused to angry & depressed because of your hormones? I can't help you.

But this Joose stuff tastes great, makes you feel big & strong and makes you forget about that monster zit on the side of your nose.

In all seriousness. I don't think kids should be out, at age 16, getting shitfaced and having sex. Somewhere along the line I guess my mother & father established a sense of morals in me. But at the same time, years of life experience and too many hours of reading the likes of Salinger and Vonnegut have made me all too much of a realist.

Pick your battles, people. Focus on making sure your kids spend the night on the couch wherever they're drinking (instead of driving into someone's front porch), not on whether or not they're drinking at all. Because they are. They are!

As for me the next hour or two consists of Joose and Call of Duty: World at War! Senseless violence, Kool-aid-reminiscent flavored alcohol and caffeine. Drunk, awake and wrecking noobs. I'll see you in the lobby... I'll be the guy on top of the leaderboard.


Until the next rant...
Johnny